Okay, this is my blog. I can do what I want. But I did miss posting a meal last Saturday and being gone for so long as made me feel pretty guilty. So here I am with a short update.
I quit keto. I did it for about a month. I wasn’t necessarily sick of it or bored of the food (although I was certainly getting to that point), but I was developing some seriously obsessive behaviors with tracking my calories. I found myself pushing to eat below my calorie limit and feeling the need to go for long walks if I got close or went over slightly. I said no to hanging out with my friends because I was afraid of eating something I shouldn’t. In general, I was afraid of messing it up. When I first started losing weight over a year ago, I wasn’t exactly doing it in the best or safest way. I’ve come a LONG way since then and to see myself start to fear food and attach guilt to eating again was very, very scary. So I stopped. And I felt guilty at first for “quitting,” but I know if I’m going to be happy with my weight, it’s not going to be with fear of food or an obsession with tracking every calorie I consume.
Keto did make me very aware of everything I was eating before I started it. The few times I did go out, the amount of times I had to say no to something I wouldn’t have prior to starting was amazing. Cappuccinos, donuts, the snacks that come with the coffee and beer… It was a lot. So I am thankful that I have this new awareness of all the little things that really do add up after a while. I’ve added in carbs again but I’m staying away from pasta and potatoes and limiting refined sugar. I know it’s going to be hard for me to find a sustainable, healthy relationship with food, but I know that relationship isn’t going to include a complete ban on unhealthy food. Knowing me, it would lead to me eating every chocolate bar and cake in sight. I’m just learning how to say “no” when I need to while realizing that one midnight bougatsa isn’t going to instantly make me gain 20 pounds overnight. And truthfully, I’m not a large girl. I need to learn how to not-gain weight more than I learn to lose it. I’ve still been exercising 6x/week and I definitely plan to maintain that, well, indefinitely. This isn’t going to be something I figure out over night, but I will figure it out.
Anyway, that’s where I am right now. I’m about to be VERY busy and VERY boring, and that will probably lead to a lack of blog posts, but I will be back this weekend, hopefully with something as delicious as ever. I’m thinking I’m going to try my hand at baking.