The Picture that Changed a Life

I am about to share a photo that I never wanted any one else to see. It is the picture that inspired me to gain control of my life and finally not be the “bigger girl” I have been since I can remember. This picture was taken a little over a year ago, on my 20th birthday, making this the longest and most successful weight-loss attempt I have ever undertaken. I have been “dieting” and “trying to lose weight” on and off since high school, but I am now well under my 9th grade weight at this point. If you recall from my last post, this picture also inspired a lot of self-hatred and body image issues, a lot of which I’m still struggling with today, but I am so much happier and healthier than I was when I took this photo and started my journey to be the best me I can be. 🙂 So, no more stalling.

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It’s not a very good picture in terms of being able to tell how much I actually weigh, so I don’t know why this particular photo caused me so much pain. I have several other photos of me around the same time that make my weight much more obvious, and while they obviously suck to see, none of them affect me as badly as this one does. I think my face is what really bothered me the most. Here I am over 175 pounds. I’m 5’7″, so this is a considerable amount over the “healthy” weight range for BMI. This picture is still really hard for me to look at, considering all the emotions it caused in the following months.

Anyway, this was meant to be a happy post, not a depressing one. I’m looking forward now, not back. Here is what I look like today (excuse the terrible bed-head and messy room):

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Today was actually a surprisingly good “body” day for me. My measurements are finally creeping downward again after quitting keto. This picture honestly took me back for a second because it’s one of only a few that I can look at and say “damn, girl, you go.” The last time I checked, I weighed 135, but I imagine that went up a little bit from water weight. I’m trying not to care, especially since my measurements continue to go down. Plus, let’s be real here, I look damn good.

I also had another accomplishment today- my first outside run! I’ve been scouring through youtube for exercise videos for the past few weeks because I don’t want to get bored of doing the same ones over and over, but today I decided to take it outside. I’ve always been nervous to do any sort of exercise around other people. Here it is especially hard because so many people like to run along the boardwalk and I am in no way as in shape as most of the people I see out there. Today I just had to remind myself that I would probably never see any of those people ever again and that it didn’t matter if I looked like an idiot. I was actually surprised at how much running I could actually do (although there was also a fair amount of walking). I ran almost five miles (since I don’t have 3G on my phone I had to rely on google maps to tell me the distance) and afterwards I stopped on the boardwalk to do a little yoga before heading back.

So, there’s a little bit of my weight loss story. Fitness is something I am hoping to make a serious, permanent part of my life, so hopefully this won’t be the last of what I have to say on the matter.

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